Are men biologically wired to crave multiple partners?

The idea that men are “programmed” to seek out multiple partners is a tired saying that’s been around for ages and has sparked endless debates.

Evolutionary psychology gets thrown into the mix, with some claiming men are “naturally” programmed to seek multiple partners. This notion gets used to justify infidelity and deflect responsibility for hurtful actions. But is this biology or simply a convenient excuse?

Debunking the evolutionary arguments

Some argue that our evolutionary past, where men supposedly competed for mating opportunities, instilled a biological urge for polygamy. The “caveman” argument paints a picture of our ancestors as promiscuous beings, with men spreading their genes far and wide. However, this view is a vast oversimplification of human evolution.

Here’s why the “caveman” theory falls short:

1. Humans are cooperative breeders: Unlike many animals where males compete fiercely for females and then leave the young to fend for themselves, humans have a long history of cooperative child-rearing. Fathers play a role in raising offspring, making monogamy or long-term partnerships advantageous for ensuring a child’s survival.

2. Brain size vs. brawn: Human evolution favoured bigger brains over brute strength. Intelligence and social skills became more important for attracting mates than sheer physical dominance. The ability to form strong, supportive relationships would have been a major evolutionary advantage.

3. Cultural influences: Human behaviour is heavily influenced by culture and societal norms. The idea that men are “naturally” polygamous ignores the vast diversity of human societies throughout history, some of which practised monogamy, polyandry (one woman with multiple male partners), or other forms of relationships.

The biology argument

The “biological imperative” argument suggests that men, driven by evolution, have a stronger urge to spread their genes by having multiple partners. Here’s the problem with this logic:

• Evolution is about survival, not just procreation: From an evolutionary standpoint, ensuring the survival of offspring is just as important as having them. Historically, men who provided for their families and helped raise their children were more likely to pass on their genes.

• Sperm is plentiful, eggs are precious: Biologically, men do produce a vast amount of sperm compared to a woman’s limited number of eggs. However, this doesn’t translate to a need for multiple partners. One man’s sperm can successfully fertilise multiple eggs, making the “spread the seed” argument less compelling.

The double standard

The “biological urge” argument often conveniently ignores the female perspective. If men are supposedly wired for multiple partners, shouldn’t the same hold true for women?

Societal attitudes judge men less harshly for infidelity than women. These double standards perpetuate the myth that men are naturally more promiscuous while shaming women for the same behaviour.

Humans, unlike some animals, have the ability to choose how we act on our biological impulses. We can develop emotional attachments, cultivate commitment, and resist fleeting attractions.

Why do men crave multiple partners?

Why might someone seek out multiple partners? Here are some possibilities:

• Dissatisfaction in a current relationship: If someone feels emotionally or sexually unfulfilled in their current relationship, they might explore options outside it.

• Fear of commitment: The fear of intimacy or making a long-term commitment can lead some people to avoid monogamy.

• Societal influences: Certain social circles or environments might pressure or normalise infidelity.

Moving beyond the stereotype

The idea that men just naturally cheat is a tired old story. It doesn’t capture the real complexity of human relationships. Here’s the thing: men, like women, are individuals with diverse desires and relationship needs. There’s no single “male” way to approach intimacy.

If you want a monogamous relationship, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about expectations and boundaries.

Relationships require effort, commitment, communication, and a shared effort to keep the relationship fulfilling for both partners.